Articles‎ > ‎Peaceful Living‎ > ‎

Kindness

posted 7 May 2015, 10:48 by Tim Elliston   [ updated 14 May 2015, 03:58 ]
By Lucinda Drayton

I have been learning so much lately about the importance of delivery of what we want to say. I’ve always been a bit of a truth merchant but sometimes truth alone is hurtful or even violent. In the past this has got me into hot water or has caused hurt when I did not intend to hurt.

These days I like the phrase, "strike while the iron is cold", i.e. when dealing with a situation where the truth is required learn to wait a while and just let things settle. In the pause then ask what is it that is really going on? I.e. if I’m honest with myself…....what is it really about?

Often when I feel the surge of anger, if I wait, underneath I find that maybe I was hurt, or disappointed. Maybe those old expectations had crept in there again. Once I’ve decided on the truth of the situation for me, I consider how to deliver the message. Delivery is incredibly important. The timing, the tone, the intention. All of these elements will effect how the message is heard.

Often if I fully own my feelings i.e. I am not trying to blame the other this can really help. Check out The Reach Approach on this subject, www.thereachapproach.co.uk. Read The Three Gatekeepers. Basically it asks is what I am saying 1, True 2 Kind, and 3 Benevolent? (i.e. is it really useful) if not maybe silence is the best way forward. After all knowing when to stay quiet is also away to be truly kind...so now I’ll shut up!

Lucinda Drayton
Comments